Thursday, October 1, 2009

here's what's coming

Fall gives me sleepy eyes. Right now I want to curl up on my couch (not the heater couch) under a blanket and fall into sleepy sleep, not tired sleep. Cold on the edges, warm all buried underneath. It's not quite cold enough for any of that yet, but riding my bike on the way home tonight my eyes got watery from the suddenness of cold air.

Here's what's coming: Halloween, Pre-Turkey Day Celebration, wearing hoodies, and then my fingertips all red. It already feels like this time two years ago, and I don't understand why but all my sense memories seem to be skipping last year, which is interesting because last year they didn't hit me nearly as strongly as they normally do. I can hardly imagine two years ago, a year and a half ago. I barely remember it, to be honest. But it's good, and I know "the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned." What I want more than anything right now is to be wearing fuzzy socks and pajamas and trying to keep warm while making cookies and watching Christmas movies, everything all lit up by Christmas lights.

I feel disconnected though. I mean that in a literal sense, not emotionally. It's been something around a month that I haven't had a cellphone. The part of me that likes to avoid things and be all introverted likes it, because I can just do my thing and not have to worry about answering my phone, which I suppose I didn't do half the time anyway. But it's also a pain. When I've been out of the country without my phone, that was always different--mostly the people I was with didn't have phones either, and even if I could have used one I never really needed one. Here, though. Being so busy, scheduling things, seeing friends on the spur of the moment because only the times that suddenly open up are the free ones. It's tough when I need to be gotten ahold of, and it would have been especially tough if my car had broken down any time after the two minutes it took to leave the camp ground last weekend. I'm thinking about getting a prepaid phone, something like that, and I'm pretty sure I've decided I will, but I think right now I should appreciate it. We're so connected, especially with the internet, but when I think about when I was in Colombia and Romania and I didn't have a phone, I liked that. And I like this. Maybe that's where the floating feeling has come from. If I want to talk to my friend, I walk between the apartments, and that seems like something good.

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