destul de happy

Things that have been making me quite happy as of late:

1. Hugs! You don't get a lot of them here, and they don't seem to be the kind where you can really hang on a while (I suppose it's not being close enough yet to anyone for that?), but you can side-hug me at this point and send me over the moon. I think I can count on one hand the number of hugs I've gotten since I've been here, but every single one of them has made me very happy. The best one, interestingly enough, was from a random dude on the street. I was hanging out with a friend one afternoon and she pointed out some people on a corner with a 'free hugs' sign (in both English and Romanian!) and I was so excited that I ran across the street and indeed received a free hug. And it was a real one, too, all holding-tight, none of that 'patting you across the twelve inch gap between us.' The Southern side of me rejoices!

2. Yellow flowers. When we came back from the conference (in the mountains) this Sunday, Bucuresti had turned full-bloom. My roommate gave me white-yellow flowers her mom had brought back from the countryside. And then yesterday on the way to my lesson I decided I would buy flowers from one of the women selling them on the street. I ended up accidentally getting three bunches of them instead of one since I didn't know the word buchet (bouquet), but for five lei (like $1.30) for all those daffodils sounds good to me. For the record, I had to look that up--I don't know types of flowers or have a favorite, I just like when they're yellow (and/or white). And they're making my room smell so nice!

3. OSCER. As mentioned, I was at a conference all weekend. I don't write much at all on here about what I do with work, and I do wish I could write more. It's tough because discipleship and that sort of thing is personal, and while I can decide how much I want to share about my stuff, clearly I can't broadcast other people's. Still trying to figure out how or if and what I can do with that here. Anyway, we spent three days talking about the vision for the movement, a lot about discipleship and evangelism. It is exciting to me to see how much they all love God and students, to hear about the sorts of things God has been doing among students for the last twenty years. So thankful and excited to be a part of this. And looking forward to working with OSCPi (OSCER in Pitesti).

4. And uite, pot sa scriu in romana. Ma bucur ca, in sfarsit, pot sa comunic cu oameni. Stiu ca, tot timpul, spun ca 'nu pot sa spun nimic!' si 'n-am rabdare deloc!' Dar e adevarat ca, putin cate putin, mai invat. La conferinta, peste trei zile vorbeam in romana. Cand m-am intors, am fost foarte obosita. Dar si ma da energie pentru ca, hey, se poate! Toata lumea e extrem de incurajator--ma ajuta. Deci, o sa vedem... poate sa cand vine vara (daca vine, inca e atat de frig!) o sa avem conversatii si lungi si profunde. Haha, pai asa sper. Sunt optimista... o sa vedem. (Forgive the grammar mistakes.)

Basically that means, hey look, I can write in Romanian, I can actually communicate. Finally! I know I'm always going on about how I can't say anything and that I don't have any patience, but it's also true that I'm learning more and more, little by little. At the conference I spent three days speaking in Romanian and by the time I got back I was exhausted. But it gives me energy just knowing I can actually do it some. And everyone is super encouraging which of course helps. So we'll see. Maybe when summer gets here, if it ever decides to as it's about fifty degrees outside right now, I will have long deep conversations. Or... haha, at least I hope, I'm being optimistic here... We'll see.

Also, the fact that that took about five minutes to write as opposed to thirty. Yes!

5. And last but not least, Isaiah 54 and James 4. Knowing that God is listening. I'm not talking about resolution, but kind of like God saying, I know, I hear you. You just have to trust me. And being very very thankful for a response that changes nothing but reminds me of the direction in which I am to go.

"words that don't exist in english"

Via my friend Chris, via here:

L’esprit de escalier: (French) The feeling you get after leaving a conversation, when you think of all the things you should have said. Translated, it means “the spirt of the staircase.”

Waldeinsamkeit: (German) The feeling of being alone in the woods.

Meraki: (Greek) Doing something with soul, creativity or love.

Forelskelt: (Norwegian) The euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love.

Gheegle: (Filipino) The urge to pinch or squeeze something that is unbearably cute.

Pochemuchka: (Russian) A person who asks a lot of questions.

Pena ajena: (Mexican Spanish) The embarrassment you feel watching someone else’s humiliation.

Cualacino: (Italian) The mark left on a table by a cold glass.

Ilunga: (Tshiluba, Congo) A person who is ready to forgive any abuse for the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never a third time.


I am told that the Romanian word dor is unlike any other word, is very specifically Romanian. From what I understand, the context is a cultural one, related to Mihai Eminescu. It means something to do with missing someone, as in mi-e dor de tine, I miss you. But I’m told that doesn’t really communicate the depth of the word. I don’t know what the roots of this word are (it looks Latin but I’m not sure/haven’t checked), but it makes me think of longing, deep longing. Maybe there’s a connection between dorinta (desire) and dor? And maybe doare (it hurts), as in I ache for you. (I’d say ‘I miss you so much it hurts’ but that just sounds too cheesy to be beautiful the way ‘I ache for you’ is).

Mi-e dor de tine. I just looked it up and it turns out that dor does translate as longing. Well there you go. I long for you, I ache for you. Beautiful language, Romanian.

feeling like an israelite

Thinking about 'spurring one another on.' I want to tell you about the small group I'm a part of, how wonderful it is, how every week I understand a little more. And it is something else entirely to be with a group of people who love God, half understanding in regard to language, and in regard to something else understanding more deeply than you know how to put into your own English. Brothers and sisters, indeed, with hearts all longing for the same thing.

This is glorified, I'm sure of it, in the sense that it's only one side. Let's not forget being so tired (I have been physically, although not as much emotionally, exhausted lately) and of course this crazy back-and-forth I've been having with God that basically amounts to spending half the time praying he would just take something away if it wasn't of him and then walking around scowling in the meantime because I'm so frustrated.

Without being more specific, I will say that I have realized two things. The first has to do with impatience, something I'm up to my ears in here between not being immediately fluent in Romanian and everything else. It's not so cut and dry, though. For example, I waited six months longer than I thought I would to come here (sounds so much shorter than it felt) with no idea of when I would. Had I known I'd be leaving in February, it wouldn't have been so hard, I don't think. When you have a date to focus on, it's easier to dig in, to shoulder through. Even if you are certain something will happen, not knowing when throws it into spinning. So here I realize that if I knew things like when, I would be living for those whens. Holding out for them, waiting on thing, going toward them--as opposed to living for my God. I hate not knowing when. And when I do know when, it appears as though I am trusting in the assurance of that rather than the assurance of my Father's promise to work all things according to his purposes, to never forsake me.

I am reminded that God is determined to be the God of my whole life.

And I would have him be

...except for the fear that comes from uncertainty, the thing that makes me gather more manna than I need for today, that makes a god of my own ability to provide for myself. Why is this such a difficult thing? Don't I already know--haven't I already seen?--that God is good, that he provides, that his will is perfect?

What I love about this most is that the gentle nudgings of my God turn me back toward him and every time I find a Father waiting with patience and open arms. Don't get me wrong, he is a jealous God. And he is good. My hope, my life, these things are wrapped up in his will. Thy will be done--I want that, I really do. And there is joy in it.

And then there is the reminder that I am not at this alone--last night at OSCEB I was able to understand everything (everything!) because most of it was translated from English. And it was one I needed to understand. It's easy to forget that we're all wrestling with this back and forth, this self-control. And I know we all have something that does this to some degree or another. Makes us prone to wander, has us forgetting we are free from sin's hold, that would have us hoarding manna rather than trusting the one true God.

Maybe I am like an Israelite, but I am not lost in the desert. And God is good, faithful as the morning.

From Hebrews last night:

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." 10:23

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such oppression from sinful min, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." 12:1-3

Running toward you, holding unswervingly.