Friday, February 26, 2010

radio silence

Five days seems like forever and most of the reason I haven't written is because the last week has been so stressful. I feel like a plane crashing out of the sky. But alongside that, it's been peace, it's been good. There's chaos and there's this other part of me that feels like it's just so small a thing next to the bigness of what's more important, what doesn't change.

"I am the Lord." You are.

And who could argue that on a day like today? Outside it's bright and alive, this canopy under which the only response is to live, to live furiously and fully.

Tonight I will go to my campus and, with a couple hundred other students, I will sing out to my God. "Se cantará con jubilo... te exaltaré mi Dios y Rey por siempre, todos los días te bendeciré. Te exaltaré mi Dios y Rey por siempre, grande eres tu."

Later this weekend I will sit on the floor next to the open blinds and I'll write a letter I've been looking forward to writing. And then, sitting in the winter sun, in the light that three weeks early is already starting to seem like spring light, and I will work on things for Link. And whatever happens, wherever I land, there will be this:

These last winter days spent in a whirlwind I wouldn't have guessed, with people for whom I am surprised to have so much love. I'll remember how sometimes, when you think about it, everything seems so small next to the whole world. What's walking to class or standing on a dock with a friend at night or watching another friend, holding her hand, feeling for her breathing? What's being squeezed in the backseat of a car between two very rambunctious boys, and watching some tornado of light twist its way around pieced apart clouds? What's all of this next to 'this too shall pass' and 'reaching the world?'

But then it's everything. It's learning to love people and sharing in life and restored relationships. This may not be my home, but my home is coming here. And meanwhile, this is it, this wonderful thing that's chaotic and difficult and unpredictable and, at the same time, good, full of hope, beautiful, light playing off each of our lives. And I can't help but to write this out, to write it in me, sew it into my heart.

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